Demography:

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• So first off, these results come from one hundred respondents exactly, so percentages actually correlate exactly with number of people. Obviously one hundred people isn’t enough that we can generalise this survey’s findings to an entire community, but we can make some fair assumptions.

•  71% of respondents identified as ‘Aromantic’, 25% as ‘Grey-aromantic (demi, quoi, etc.)’ , and 4% as ‘Unsure/questioning’. 

• Age wise 7% of respondents indicated they were under fifteen, 54% were 15 - 19, 35% were 20 - 29, 3% were 30 - 39, and only 1% were over 60. No respondents were 40 - 59, and as the majority (96%) of respondents were under 29 it’s important to remember that older members of the community may have vastly different views than the ones this survey indicated were common of the community.

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Affection, Value, and Commitment:

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Three questions in this survey asked respondents whether they felt the levels of affection they expressed in a friendship, the value they placed on freindships, and the ideal level of commitment they would prefer within a friendship differed from their alloromantic peers.

I assumed answers would be consistent across all three of these questions ie. that if a high number of respondents indicated they were more affectionate, then a similarly high number would indicate they preferred more commitment.

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• Affection: 43% of respondents answered ‘Yes, I am more affectionate with my friends’. 17% answered ‘Yes, I am less affectionate with my friends’. 40% answered ‘No, I am approximately as affectionate’.

• Value: 82% of respondents answered ‘Yes, friendships are more significant to me’. 3% answered ‘Yes, friendships are less significant to me’. 15% said ‘No, I place approximately equal value on friendships’.

• Commitment: 71% of respondents answered ‘Yes, I would love to cohabitate with/marry/raise children or a pet with/have a shared bank account with my friends!’. 3% answered ‘Yes, I am much less committed to freindships’. 26% answered ‘No, my ideal friendship involves approximately the same level of commitment’.

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While the percentages of those who felt they more highly valued and wanted more commitment from their freindships were much higher than those who preferred more affection, a slight majority of the respondents still indicated that they were more affectionate. I believe the lower percentage of those who were more affectionate compared to those who valued friendships more and preferred more commitment may be due to romance repulsion, touch aversion, etc.

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Worries within friendships:

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There were two additional questions relating to value.

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One asked ‘Do you ever believe that your friends do not value their relationships with you as much as you do with them?’. 37% indicated that they did, and believed this was due to their aromantic spectrum identity. Another 50% also answered yes, but only due to other factors, like anxiety. 12% indicated that they did not have these worries because their freindships were secure, and another 1% because they places low, or less value than their peers, value on freindships.

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The next was ‘If you answered yes to the last question due to your aromantic spectrum identity, which of the following do you believe about your alloromantic friends?’. Respondents could choose as many answers as they liked.

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• 42% answered ‘That my friends do not crave as deep a relationship with me as I do them’

• 35% answered ‘That my friends care more about their romantic partners than they do me’

• 35% answered ‘That my friends would lose contact with me if we were not in the circumstances that caused our freindships (ie. if they moved school or left a club you do together)’

• 35% answered ‘That my friends do not want to play as significant a part in my later life as I would want to play in theirs’

• 33% answered ‘That my friends will abandon me when their romantic relationships become more serious’ 

• 14% answered ‘That I ‘come on too strong’ when initiating friendships’

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18% also indicated that their worries were at least somewhat justified by their friends’ actions and attitude. Another 18% said they had other worries. 48% answered that they had answered no to the last question or indicated that their worries were not due to their orientation. It should be noted that for the last figure the real percentage should have been 50%, so the results of this question may not be entirely reliable.

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Worries about commitment: 

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Respondents who had indicated that their ideal friendship involved a higher level of commitment than their peers were then asked whether they believed their alloromantic friends would offer them the levels of commitment they preferred long term. Again, respondents could choose as many answers as they liked.

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• 40% answered ‘Some of my friends may be committed to me briefly but only until a better option (read: a romantic relationship) showed up‘

• 25% answered ‘One or more of my friends has indicated they would live with me long term/marry me, but it is highly likely they are joking‘

• 15% answered ‘No, none of my friends would even consider the level of commitment I want’

• 14% answered ‘Yes! I would definitely be able to cohabitate/etc. with one of my friends! They’re awesome!‘

• 9% answered ‘Yes! I would definitely be able to cohabitate/etc. with more than one of my friends! They’re awesome!‘

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27% of respondents answered  ‘I answered no to the last question or indicated that my ideal friendship would involve less commitment’. The real figure should have been 29%.

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These results are mostly what I expected based on my own experiences and with hearing many other aromantics express concern regarding their futures.

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Defining friendships:

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In this question, respondents were asked whether they felt that they defined freindships differently than their aromantic peers, or had different barriers regarding what is an acquaintance versus a friend.

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68% answered that they were slower to call someone a friend, as ‘friendship’ indicated a deep relationship to them. 12% answered yes for other reasons. Another 12% indicated they had fairly standard views on what was an acquaintance as opposed to a friend, and 8% indicated that they were faster to call someone their friend for whatever reason.

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Relationships to other aromantics:

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The last thing this survey assessed was whether respondents had friends who shared their identity. Respondents could choose as many answers as they liked.

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• 54% answered ‘I am not friends with, nor do I know anyone on the aromantic spectrum‘ 

• 21% answered ‘I have at least one friend on the aromantic spectrum, but the majority of my friends are alloromantic‘

• 14% answered ‘I know of at least one person on the aromantic spectrum but we are not friends’

• 7% answered ‘I am friends with at least one person on the aromantic spectrum, but I am aromantic and they are gray-aromantic‘

• 4% answered ‘I am friends with at least one person on the aromantic spectrum, but I am grey-aromantic and they are aromantic’

• 4% answered ‘Yes, most/all of my friends are on the aromantic spectrum!‘

• 4% answered ‘I have equal amounts of aromantic spectrum and alloromantic friends’

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To be honest I’d say it’s likely that a combination of alloromantic friends not providing us with the relationships we seem to want, and aromantic friends being hard to come by, might explain the feeling of loneliness that’s so prevalent in this community.